勝美2

Another 金曜五 and Friday5 doubleheader!

Questions courtesy of 金曜五. Thank you!

1. Whatcha been up to?

A fellow Friday5er from an island far far away in the middle of the Pacific Ocean whose name I won't mention (Hawaii) asked me why his comments weren't showing up on my blog. They always had in the past. And I made it a point to return the courtesy and respond.

After a little detective work, it turns out Google Blogger magically changed my comment notification settings. Without asking my permission. I had no way of knowing there were comments waiting to be moderated.

Then there was another problem. I could not respond to comments on my very own blog.

After a little detective work, it turns out Google Chrome magically changed my settings from "accept cookies" to "deny third party meow meow meow". Without asking my permission. I don't remember the exact words because by that point I'd kind of stopped paying attention.

I don't know. To me, that would be like BMW carjacking my roadster at a stop 'n' go light to correct a factory recall. Ummm, I don't know. Maybe to replace the non-functional S.O.S. switch with OEM part #51-46-7-073-535 oddments tray so I wouldn't have to search for quarters for the tollbooth on the way to Chicago to go grocery shopping for umeboshi and rice?

Actually I take Hwy 45 which doesn't have tollbooths instead of the interstate. The way I drive, it's actually faster and the grocery store is in the western suburbs.

So. If I wrap my car around a telephone pole at 196 mph / 315 kph, survive the initial impact and with my last ounce of strength press the S.O.S. switch, nothing will happen and 911 rescue is not gonna respond because I didn't subscribe to BMW Emergency Roadside Assistance which was discontinued ten years ago when crash sensors were installed in the roadsters and bluetoothed to my non-existant cellphone so I wouldn't have to flip the S.O.S. switch with my dying will.

Completely genius! I do not see how this plan could possibly fail.

Thank you, Google Blogger and Google Chrome! And BMW! Thanks a whole bunch.

My sincere apologies and thank you for bringing that to my attention. You know who you are.

2. What's the latest from the front?

Rapper and busybody extraordinaire Jay-Z and his social injustice fixer uppers TEAM ROC have  joined in the fray demanding the firing of racist  Officer Joseph Mensah.

Doesn't that tell me something? Fo shizzle. Tells me Jay-Z isn't very bright.

Officer Mensah isn't racist. He's black. Or at least he was when I danced with him at the Christmas party.

So. Race has nothing to do with it.

You keep your mind on your money and your money on your mind, Mr Jay Butinsky!

Protesters graffitied... Whoa whoa whoa. Hold your horses. According to the local news media, protesters painted a mural, Defund The Police, on the street outside City Hall.

Call me old fashioned; to me a mural involves images and not just words, is painted with permission, is public art to be enjoyed by everyone and does not obscure traffic markings. Otherwise it is graffiti.

Within hours the mural had been defaced the graffiti had been altered to "Defend the police". Determined by forensic analysts to be the handwriting of an extremely beautiful twenty-one or -two year old left-handed Asian female adept at solving crossword puzzles and anagrams.

Now I may not be a forensic analyst but I have a hunch she is closer to twenty-nine years of age, drives a cool car and is a really good dancer.

The suspect remains at large.

SkyFox6 photograph used without permission.

3. What up?

Happy Birthday, Dalai Lama! Gooooooo Packers!

FUN FACT: The Dalai Lama is also a Badger fan and spends time at his Wisconsin monastery.

Thought I was kidding, didn't you?

勝美: Hey, Your Holiness! How's it goin'? (Formal bow.)
Dalai Lama: Hey, 勝美! Lookin' good!

A real sweetheart. Super nice guy.

4. What's new?

A fellow Friday5 respondent gave birth to her baby! We are so happy for you!

My niece Ellen Grace, one of my little sidekicks, inquired why she hadn't seen my friend Betsy for a long time.

勝美: Mrs _________ is going to have a baby. Remember? I was so happy to wear the most beautiful princess dress in the whole wide world [wailed and gnashed my teeth over the most hideous bridesmaid gown ever — all ribbons and bows like some goth lolita or cocktail maid if there is such a thing] to her wedding?
Ellen Grace: Oh yeah. Well... if it's a girl she should name it Auntie 勝美 and if it's a bunny she should name it Miracle.
勝美: Works for me, toots. I'll run it past her.

5. What's on the agenda?

A Celebration Of Myrtleness.

Since Myrtle was a used cat, I have no idea when her birthday is. Her doctor thinks she is fifteen years of age.

¡Quinceañera!

I remember my friend Spewgie's and my quinceañera. Our first strapless gowns. I would get a gown for Myrtie but she won't even keep her coronavirus masks on and I'm not shelling out one hundred bucks for a dress she's only going to wear once. Or our mother 'n' daughter kimonos. Or the witch outfit I bought her for Halloween. Or the bunny ears for Easter. Or her Santa Claus hat. Besides, just how often is a fifteen year old supposed to look sexy?

So. For Myrtie's special day, I will make a tuna and unsweetened whipped cream birthday cake and a piñata (that means piñata en español) filled with the rubber bands she loves from bunches of asparagus and whatever "lost" toys of hers I can find. She doesn't need more stuff. And we will blow catnip bubbles with the wand and bubble solution and play Chase The Laser Beam. If Myrtie's a good girl, maybe I will put on my safari outfit and pith helmet for a game of Jungle Hunt with the nerf gun.

Go ahead, simba. Make my day. Ungawa!

I only wish Spewgie Jr and my nieces could attend la fiesta por la gata. That means cat party en español, gringo.

¡Olé!

Friday5 questions courtesy of Scrivener. Thank you!

Friday 5 for July 10: And we are merely players.

1. When were you last onstage, literally or figuratively?

At the family picnic on the Fourth Of July last year. My youngest niece and I put on our ventriloquist act. 勝美 & Claire. She is my dummy and sits in my lap; I gently squeeze the back of her neck so she opens and closes her mouth.

勝美: Claire, did you know alligators can grow up to sixteen feet?
Claire: But most of them only have four!

It's hard to find quality entertainment like that nowadays.

You may have recognized that joke from last year. I have new material ready to go but everything was cancelled. Thanks, coronavirus!

2. Beginning with the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, what would you name the different personal stages you’ve been through to today?

I. Quarantine.

II. Hospitalization. Unrelated to the coronavirus.

III. Recuperation.

3. When did you unintentionally upstage someone, or when did someone unintentionally upstage you?

In one of my silent movie discussion groups, someone posted he'd bought a DVD of Thomas A Edison's Frankenstein (1910, USA, B&W, silent) and a picture of his new acquisition.

Facebook person: Edisons frankenstein these two are the cream of my collection, I just adore the film so much. Left is the ad ventures dvd release, and on the right is the Frederick c. wiebel Jr, E-Book and dvd film release.

勝美: As a little girl, I saw the original Alois F. Dettlaff, Sr print — presented by Alois F. Dettlaff, Sr himself, dressed as Father Time — from which your copies and every other DVD was made.

Paradise Theater, Halloween 1996. Live musical accompaniment by Sigmund Snopek III who was kind of a cabaret performer. Commemorative pin depicting Frankenstein's monster in the familiar "hula pose".

My friend Spewgie and I had to beg our fathers to take us. And our mothers for special permission to stay up late on a school night.

Facebook person: that's amazing so you actually watched it on the big screen, was the commemorative dvd stl available at that time? as I understand it, dettlaff created AD Ventures company to make the dvds and sold them at screenings I believe there are only 1000 of them which I'm guessing is the same for the pin.

勝美: As I recall, the pin was a souvenir. Included with the price of admission although there may possibly have been an upcharge but my friend and I received ours for free because we're so darn cute. We were six years of age and the only children present. That kind of thing happens to us all the time.

The Paradise was a faded movie palace badly in need of restoration. The staircase to the balcony was closed off. A year later it became a storefront church.

There may have been DVD sales at the concessions. Mr Dettlaff was very possessive of Frankenstein. If there were DVD sales, they were conducted by the concessionaires as Mr Dettlaff was prowling the theater aisles dressed as Father Time in a long brown robe, a clock around his neck like Flava Fav and carrying a scythe. He already had the white beard. It was his special night; he relished his role.

An old-fashioned projector was set up in the middle of the theater in the center aisle. Mr Dettlaff invited my friend and I over and explained how the projector operated. We already knew much of that from sitting in the projection booth at the classics theater we usually attended. The film had a distinct smell. From what I understand, Mr Dettlaff's house was permeated with the same rotting chemical odor. Hundreds of silver nitrate prints stored in the basement. Which is not an ideal condition for film preservation and could cause spontaneous combustion. At least it was constantly cool and dark I suppose. Mr Dettlaff should have donated his collection to a school or museum to ensure his place in posterity.

Sigmund Snopek's synthesizer was near the projector; standard Wurlitzer-sounding music with different organ voices but nothing weird or strange. For some reason I thought silent movie music was improvised. It was an education watching him accompany the onscreen action to the score he'd composed.

And I remember the movie, of course, and thanking our fathers afterwards for driving us across town. Or maybe it was preparation for the years of piano, ballet, lacrosse, track, etc. to come.

If I ever come across the Edison / Dettlaff / Frankenstein pin in the proverbial haystack I'll give you the high sign.

Facebook person: Thanks! I'd love to see a picture of it.

勝美: I mean for keeps.

Okie dokie as they say. Evidently there is an unwritten rule about Facebook comments being under twenty words or something.

No that's not it either. Do you know what an American movie fan magazine is? Let's say from the nineteen-thirties? A bunch of pictures of movie stars. And these Facebooks groups are the same thing! I swear if I see one more picture of Mary Pickford and her cat or Theda Bara as Cleopatra I'm going to scream.

Once I dared to play along and posted a picture of my favorite actress.

Surf's up, Moondoggie! Yukiko Tsukuba and her boogie board.

Well you would have thought I started World War III. And that's how I got kicked out of a so-called discussion group. For posting a picture of my favorite actress.

Yukiko is really pretty. Cinema's original wild child. According to her Wikipedia bio, she was a geisha who left for stardom at the age of sixteen.

BZZZT! Please. It takes six years of apprenticeship to become geisha. Yukiko would have had to become a maiko at nine or ten years of age.

One time I posted a picture of my great-grandmother as a young girl and everyone commented, "Oh, what a beautiful geisha!"

So. Anyone wearing a kimono is automatically geisha. Gotcha.

Ooooh. This gives me one of my good ideas. So. I can tie my own simple obi knot but not fancy Osaka-style.

An obi tying service! Just call or text 1-800-TIE-OBIS and leave the tying to us.

Telephone: Ring ring!
勝美: Moshi moshi. (That's how to answer the telephone in Japanese. For authenticity.)
Caller: Hello? 1-800-TIE-OBIS?
勝美: Hai!
Caller: I have an obi emergency! I just painted my nails and can't tie my obi!
勝美: Addless prease.
Caller: 10086 Sunset Boulevard, Beverly Hills.
Telephone: Click!

So sorry! That's a little out of our service area. I'd have to live in Little Tokyo or some other high density Japanese population to make this work. Waaaooo! Better yet. You know how formal bowties for men come in a pre-tied version? Pre-tied obi. With hook and loop fasteners that would go under the right arm. And a cursory check of the internet... Hmmm. There already is such a thing.

Curses! Foiled again! Back to the drawing board although I question their choice of ugly material. Looks like they went to Joanne Fabrics and hit the remnants table. Doesn't even look like silk.

Have you ever seen a Japanese movie fan magazine from 1910 — 2020? Scholarly dissertation dissecting a film frame-by-frame to discuss camera angles, techniques, blocking, lighting, directorial styles... If there is a picture of an actress, a commentary on make-up and costuming follows.

I guess that is what I was expecting. A discussion. Story of my life.

I am beginning to get the feeling it's me.

4. How or when do you experience stage fright?

Never.

5. What are you in the early stages of, and what are you the late stages of?

I don't know. I guess I'm in the early stages of the autumn of my life. Which means I'm in the late stages of the summer of my life.