勝美2

Another Friday doubleheader!

Friday5 for May 1: The most convenient definitions. Questions courtesy of Scrivener. Thank you!

The Breakfast Club. Looked it up on the internet.

This movie holds a lot of relevance to me as I have never seen it and the movies that I do watch are primarily from 1894 — 1929. The Silent Era. Although in Japan, "silent" movies were accompanied by an orchestra (traditional or western music depending on the movie) and a benshi (a combination narrator / sound effects technician) and, frequently, seiyuu (voice actors). The best orchestras, benshi and seiyuu would tour a region with a movie; often the benshi would be more popular with the movie-going public than the actors and actresses in the film.

First Japanese movie goer: It's directed by Ozu!
Second Japanese movie goer: Starring Yamaguchi!
Third Japanese movie goer: Big deal. Takahashi is the benshi.

Kind of stems from kabuki tradition. Which is why Japanese films have much fewer intertitles than American movies. And why Japan was reticent to switch to talkies. Not a lack of technology. Silents and talkies coexisted until the mid-nineteen-thiries. And this was the first time women were "on stage". Japan was going through a huge social upheaval. From medieval to modern times.

FUN FACT: My mother was benshi and I was her seiyuu at a film showing. I never knew she was so funny.

Point being that I have never seen The Breakfast Club and will undoubtedly miss the nuances. And because I am such a cheapskate, I refuse to pay the $3.99 to watch it on the internet.

FUN FACT: In 1985, the year The Breakfast Club was released, the average cost of a movie ticket was $3.55 or $7.06 when adjusted for inflation.

1. So — so on Monday, what happens?

Well I don't know about you, but this reminds me of a song. And it goes a little something like this:

It took me a long time to wrap my head around Doris Day. In the words of Oscar Levant, "I knew her before she was a virgin."

Surf's up, Moondoggie!

Doris is no Yukiko Tsukuba.

2. What was that ruckus?

Babysitting for my friend Spewgie's daughter, Spewgie Jr, and my nieces. Way past bedtime. Even by slumber party standards. Slumber parties for three-year-olds.

勝美: Ladies! If I hear one more peep in there...
Girls: Peep peep peep peep!

Checked on them five minutes later. Sleeping little angels.

3. What do you know about trigonometry?

Only what I learned in high school.

Brian describes his failed elephant lamp project. He thought industrial arts would be an easy class. And it might be but not for him. Bender becomes defensive.

Brian: What do you know about trigonometry?
Bender: I could care less about trigonometry...
Brian: Bender, did you know without trigonometry there'd be no engineering?
Bender: Without lamps, there'd be no light!
Claire: Okay so neither one of you is any better than the other one...

BZZZT! Brian is clearly better. He is a dork. And according to Huxley's Brave New World, we are better than betas, gammas, deltas, and epsilons. Epsilons such as Bender.

4. Vodka? When do you drink vodka?

Time for the toboggan story. Stop me if you've heard this one.

Once upon a time on a snowy winter midnight, Effie liberated a quart bottle (not a fifth) of Old Stagg bourbon from her father’s liquor cabinet. A quart. That stuff must have been older than the hills. I think the bottles were downsized by the liquor industry during the Eisenhower administration but don’t quote me on that.

What did we say about anthropomorphic figures with animal heads? I do not like them. Especially the Egyptian god Hathor.

Hmmm. The advertisement is from 1955. For some reason I remember the label as being even dorkier.

If you ask me, we were doing her father a great big favor. The bouquet was a delightful blend of dirty litterbox, puppy poo and changing my niece Claire’s diaper. Gak. Curly of The Three Stooges sometimes makes a noise similar to the one someone makes after sniffing Old Stagg.

In winter, the idea was to jump in the designated driver’s mother’s minivan at midnight, drive to the back of the appliance store to the recycling dumpster, scavenge a refrigerator carton (I recommend Whirlpool — really sturdy) and then head for the toboggan run in the park.

We’d rip the refrigerator carton in half lengthwise and slide down the toboggan run on the cardboard. It was a lot of fun. After a couple of trips down you get pretty pooped out from climbing the big hill in the snow. To stay warm, we drank the Old Stagg and smoked unfiltered Player’s Navy Cut and Gauloises cigarettes.

Do you remember that private 747 with millions of dollars of cigarettes seized on the runway by ATF at LaGuardia? At least the Swiss people were nice enough to refund Betsy her money.

Prissy went zipping down the toboggan run and went off course and smashed into a tree. We were like uh oh. To our surprise she got up, wigwaggled her head like a cartoon cat that’s just been walloped by a mouse with a frying pan, picked up her cardboard toboggan, walked over to us and took a couple of slugs from the bottle.

I think she survived without injury because she was drunk and her body sort of acted as if she was all passive — a crash test dummy, if you will — and just kind of went with it instead of being like “Oh, no! I’m going to hit a tree!” and tensing up or worrying about the emergency room nurses Phisohex®ing bark from her face with the type of wire kitchen brush for the really stubborn baked on foods in the pots and pans.

Or maybe it just looked worse by the light of the silvery moon.

I wonder how many of us started singing that song in her head?

Then we’d return to the snowy parking lot, throw the cardboard in the back of the mini (equal parts not littering and leaving evidence behind) and do a few doughnuts before taking off. Purists insist upon a rear wheel drive sedan but I feel slamming a front wheel drive minivan into reverse and cranking the wheel enhances the feeling you’re about to tip over and die. Wheeeeeeee!

Girlish fun. Look at the bright side. We weren’t robbing liquor stores or gas stations.

Sleepy dreamy time to go home to dodo in our spinning beds.

Very happy the next day was Saturday. While searching the internet for hangover cures, Spewgie and I found a couple of interesting FUN FACTS which went a little something like this:

FUN FACT: The best way to avoid a hangover is to limit your alcohol intake.

Wait a minute. Slow down, coach. So. If I am understanding this correctly, to avoid a hangover I shouldn’t drink. Okay, gotcha.

Hmmm. Sounds scientifically plausible but I’d still like to kick the person’s butt who came up with that little gem. What an idiot.

FUN FACT: Avoid drinks with congeners.

Congeners?

“Through the process of ethanol fermentation, sugars are converted into carbon dioxide and ethanol, also known as alcohol.

“Congeners are toxic chemical by-products that are also formed in small amounts during this process, with different alcoholic beverages contain varying amounts.

“Some studies have found that consuming drinks with a high amount of congeners could increase the frequency and severity of a hangover. Congeners may also slow the metabolism of alcohol and cause prolonged symptoms.

“Drinks that are low in congeners include vodka, gin and rum, with vodka containing almost no congeners at all.

“Meanwhile, tequila, whiskey and cognac are all high in congeners, with bourbon whiskey containing the highest amount.” — some expert advice internet source.

With bourbon whiskey containing the highest amount. Oh, great. Now you tell us. Thanks a whole bunch. Well that’s the last time we let Effie steal from her parents.

Speaking of Effie, what up with the Old Stagg, girlfriend? The idea is you were supposed to come up with something to borrow for our impromptu party THAT WE COULD REPLACE. Your parents don’t have Bacardi at your house? ‘Cause we’re not driving to Kentucky, pal.

Meanwhile, levelheaded Spewgie had kept the empty bottle and we refilled it with our own special blend.

Can you imagine if Effie’s father served our special blend and his friends thought it was really great and ordered a case of dirty diaper Old Stagg from the distillery? Major disappointment. Or the guys at Old Stagg corporate headquarters who track sales and there is this unexplained sharp spike in southeastern Wisconsin?

I propose Congress enact a bill requiring a congener warning on bottles of Old Stagg.

To this day, even the very thought of bourbon whiskey gives us the shivers.

5. How’d you like to go fishing this weekend?

My favorite part is paddling around in a boat with a Thermos of martinis. In the shade underneath willow trees along the shores of a river. I don't even try to catch fish. Sometimes I don't even bother to bait the hook.

Effie invited Priss and Betsy and Spewgie and I to spend the week at her parents' lake cottage.

It was a perfect day. We were sitting on the edge of the dock with out feet in the water discussing important top secret high school girl stuff or should we take out the sailboat or go fishing or golfing or play tennis. Effie's mother brought us lemonade.

Don't remember what lead up to it. Effie's mother said something like "Well all mothers love their children and I love you even more because I chose you."

Effie got up and hugged and kissed her mother. Somehow we all were kissing and hugging.

I had a pretty good idea that Effie was adopted because her parents are white and she is black ... I don't know ... it was a beautiful moment.

Sort of like if Josie And The Pussycats had five band members.

♫ ♪ Inside outside upside down
You've got me goin' round 'n' round ♪
♫  Backwards forwards sideways too
You've got me dizzy from lovin' you ♪ ♫

♫ ♪ Don't you know that I love you
But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ You got to me now why can't you see
I've got to get to you ♫ ♪

And one Pussycat was Asian.

I untied the rope and we went sailing.









The Friday Five for May 1st.

1. May is National Salad Month. What is your favorite salad?

I love salads. Especially my very own Seventeen Layer Salad. With homemade Green Goddess dressing.

On a warm summer Saturday evening, after I've done all the errands, mowed the lawn, jumped in the shower and put on a sundress, my favorite supper is to sit at my teak table in the shade in the backyard. With an extention cord and the toaster. A pitcher of green Kool-Aid or gin and pink lemonade.

Buttered toast and salad.

2. May 2 is Brothers and Sisters Day. Do you have any of those? If so, write a sentence or two about them.

Antoinette and Nicole are so much older than me I am the next best thing to an only child.

Nicky served alongside the American military in Afghanistan. Alongside because she wasn't a soldier. And because she went to Afghanistan, she is already retired. For every year she spent in the war, she was credited with three years toward her retirement. Hazardous duty pay. I am very proud of her for serving her country.

Tony is Queen Of Tupperware. When you visit her house, she will take you on a tour of the pantry. To see her Tupperware. And if you don't ooh and ahh like you're watching fireworks there's gonna be trouble. With a capital T, that rhymes with P and that stands for pool.

3. The second week of May is National Pet Week. What will you do to celebrate?

Clean out Myrtle's litterbox.

4. Mother's Day is May 10. What are you planning to do for your mother this year?

My mother passed away in November. Since I can't go to church to light a candle I'll say a prayer.

5. Today you MAY do anything that you want to. What would you choose to do and why?

With coronavirus I don't really want to leave the house at all but since I can do anything I want presumably without any interaction, I'd take my roadster out on the Elkhart Lake Road America race course.

That picture was taken about four blocks from my house in 1912. In the old days, they'd organize races on public roads although the track at the state fair park, originally built for horseracing, has been used for motor racing since 1903.

I could "legally" take the roadster out on the track to race but I'd have to weld in a rollcage. With a harness. A seatbelt isn't protective enough. Buy not one, but two racing helmets. For like a thousand bucks a pop. Different kinds of racing require different kinds of helmets. I'd love to be able to explain it to you but I don't completely understand it myself. And what up with a rollcage because she's a roadster and not a hardtop? My motorcycle doesn't have a rollcage.

The fastest I've ever driven her is about 150. She is capable of 196. Not kilometers per hour. I think my grandmother's car could go that fast. 196 miles per hour.

I know we can do better.